Where to start, where to start.
I embarked on a journey, and no, I can't say it has been a very exciting experience for me. Because.. it hasn't. Not really. I remain adamant, that this has to be the biggest mistake I have done in my life throughout the entire 18 years of my life. Probably will live as the biggest mistake for all those coming decades. So now it has ended, there's supposed to be relief, shouldn't there? I only feel numb. Like it's nothing. These one and a half years, apparently my body and mind just froze up and refused to response. So much, I regret. Just so much.
And naturally, I'd rather not talk about it.
Yeah, I'm just being a tad dramatic. LOL. I'm done with college. Done with A-levels. Although I don't think that is for sure. Finals. WERE JUST THAT HORRIBLE. It's so bad, it's seems ridiculous! Yeah well.
Still feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. But, oh well.
Nevertheless, despite the feeling of nothingness when I left college, (probably not for good, but I AM leaving some amazing people behind) the break feels wonderful.
No more waking up early in the morning and cursing at the time for passing so fast.
No more worrying about not having done my homework and what would the lecturers do to me.
No more feeling hopeless, worthless, no more hateful emotions.
No more, no more for now.
Feels great. And I've swore that everyday, is going to be an achievement. Like doing something new. Doing something productive. In creative terms. Doing something exciting.
So much I could do at home.
The coming Friday, there's this cooking together plan going on with my college mates. How cool is it, that we gather at a friend's house, and we cook together, and then enjoy them immediately afterwards. From mushroom soup to gruelling pastas. Sounds winning. :)
Plus Saturday's gathering. THAT WILL BE A VERY EXCITING ONE! Those old buddies. Those who came from the period I missed my life the most. Aaah well.
And Sunday, family gathering. My young cousins will be coming over. That'll be fun.
So much to do, so much. And I want to take all of it in. Hold on to it.
LIFE.
Because you see, life never stops. It goes on and on and on. Everything might be falling out of sorts in YOUR life, but have you thought about how pretty insignificant you really are in reality? If you don't, do yourself a favour and go look up at the skies outside your house now. It could be more profound if it's at night, the stars even with their twinkling little form, are enough to make you feel inferior. Theory of relativity. That's how Einstein got his idea, I suppose.
So often, I feel that life is being very very unfair to me. But then I read of all those success stories. And I learn that the stories, are not complete without pain and hard times. Either they were not born in bed of roses, or there's the ultimate fall from grace. Either way, it requires a timely climb. It requires being made fun of. It requires suffering. It got me thinking maybe, just maybe, I'm on the right path. Until people come and tell me, " You know that girl? Well she's had a perfect record of all As' in all her major exams in her life. Her parents must be so proud of her." That girl just finished her local Matriculation and got 4 flats. LOCAL MATRICULATION. Then they go, "Wow look at all of them, going to do medicine. They must be so smart." "All of them are going to be doctors." GOOD GOING, THERE. It has come to the point where it irritates me so much, I could possibly release the Hulk within me, but I decided I should be level-headed. Like Captain America. Screw what you think, your name isn't Deena, is it? And then I breathe. And smile. And pray. Hoping so much that what I've chosen, is the right one. You see, I don't intend to live through society's idea of success, study, work, get married, buy a house, have children, die. I want to see the world. Like, really see it. Praying everyday I'll get the chance. Hoping God would be patient with me. I want to make a difference in ANOTHER'S life, not just mine.
Most importantly, I want to love doing what I do, have fun with it. Trust me, if I'm going to be a doctor, I'll only be on the highway to a mental asylum. If that ever happens, I'm going to become Joker.
Because no way am I getting tied down.
"I'll do something epic, and they won't forget it, good enough's not good enough for me." -Rocket
I embarked on a journey, and no, I can't say it has been a very exciting experience for me. Because.. it hasn't. Not really. I remain adamant, that this has to be the biggest mistake I have done in my life throughout the entire 18 years of my life. Probably will live as the biggest mistake for all those coming decades. So now it has ended, there's supposed to be relief, shouldn't there? I only feel numb. Like it's nothing. These one and a half years, apparently my body and mind just froze up and refused to response. So much, I regret. Just so much.
And naturally, I'd rather not talk about it.
Yeah, I'm just being a tad dramatic. LOL. I'm done with college. Done with A-levels. Although I don't think that is for sure. Finals. WERE JUST THAT HORRIBLE. It's so bad, it's seems ridiculous! Yeah well.
Still feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. But, oh well.
Nevertheless, despite the feeling of nothingness when I left college, (probably not for good, but I AM leaving some amazing people behind) the break feels wonderful.
No more waking up early in the morning and cursing at the time for passing so fast.
No more worrying about not having done my homework and what would the lecturers do to me.
No more feeling hopeless, worthless, no more hateful emotions.
No more, no more for now.
Feels great. And I've swore that everyday, is going to be an achievement. Like doing something new. Doing something productive. In creative terms. Doing something exciting.
So much I could do at home.
The coming Friday, there's this cooking together plan going on with my college mates. How cool is it, that we gather at a friend's house, and we cook together, and then enjoy them immediately afterwards. From mushroom soup to gruelling pastas. Sounds winning. :)
Plus Saturday's gathering. THAT WILL BE A VERY EXCITING ONE! Those old buddies. Those who came from the period I missed my life the most. Aaah well.
And Sunday, family gathering. My young cousins will be coming over. That'll be fun.
So much to do, so much. And I want to take all of it in. Hold on to it.
LIFE.
Because you see, life never stops. It goes on and on and on. Everything might be falling out of sorts in YOUR life, but have you thought about how pretty insignificant you really are in reality? If you don't, do yourself a favour and go look up at the skies outside your house now. It could be more profound if it's at night, the stars even with their twinkling little form, are enough to make you feel inferior. Theory of relativity. That's how Einstein got his idea, I suppose.
So often, I feel that life is being very very unfair to me. But then I read of all those success stories. And I learn that the stories, are not complete without pain and hard times. Either they were not born in bed of roses, or there's the ultimate fall from grace. Either way, it requires a timely climb. It requires being made fun of. It requires suffering. It got me thinking maybe, just maybe, I'm on the right path. Until people come and tell me, " You know that girl? Well she's had a perfect record of all As' in all her major exams in her life. Her parents must be so proud of her." That girl just finished her local Matriculation and got 4 flats. LOCAL MATRICULATION. Then they go, "Wow look at all of them, going to do medicine. They must be so smart." "All of them are going to be doctors." GOOD GOING, THERE. It has come to the point where it irritates me so much, I could possibly release the Hulk within me, but I decided I should be level-headed. Like Captain America. Screw what you think, your name isn't Deena, is it? And then I breathe. And smile. And pray. Hoping so much that what I've chosen, is the right one. You see, I don't intend to live through society's idea of success, study, work, get married, buy a house, have children, die. I want to see the world. Like, really see it. Praying everyday I'll get the chance. Hoping God would be patient with me. I want to make a difference in ANOTHER'S life, not just mine.
Most importantly, I want to love doing what I do, have fun with it. Trust me, if I'm going to be a doctor, I'll only be on the highway to a mental asylum. If that ever happens, I'm going to become Joker.
Because no way am I getting tied down.
"I'll do something epic, and they won't forget it, good enough's not good enough for me." -Rocket
No comments:
Post a Comment