You Either Die A Hero, Or Live Long Enough To See Yourself Become The Villian.

So, I felt the need to blog twice in a day. The first to let everyone know I am still alive and blooming well, and the second, let's go to some serious stuff. Like, who really is my hero. WHO INSPIRES ME SO MUCH, that I get on every day hoping so much I'll be in his place someday. He struts with some unspoken philosophy, something I saw and understand and I pray to speak that language. He is someone who made me realise that life has it's purposes, YOU, have your purposes. Ignorance is unforgivable, you have a role to serve. And to serve it, to have to create the role and make it your own. He is a man living the reality of the character he plays in those box office hit movies.

And he is, Batman. No seriously, I'm talking about Christian Bale. Christian Charles Philip Bale.Christian finally got to meet activist Chen Guangcheng, who is blind, and presented with him the Human Rights First award. 
"A lawyer, Chen was punished by the Chinese government after documenting and speaking out against injustices in the country, including alleged forced abortions." THAT, WORLD, is Chen Guangcheng. A noble soul. A real hero. 

As reported, this is the story between Christian Bale and Chen Guangcheng:
'Bale sought to meet him, along with a CNN camera crew, last December when Chen was on house arrest. The actor drove eight hours from Beijing -- where he was celebrating the premiere of his film "Flowers of War" -- to Dongshigu. There he was met by a group of unidentified Chinese security officers. The officers clearly did not want Bale and the crew getting close to Chen, deterring them with physical force. When Bale and the crew decided to leave peacefully, the officers continued to chase them by car.

Chen escaped house arrest earlier this year, seeking refuge at China's U.S. embassy, which ignited a diplomatic crisis. Chen was eventually allowed to leave China with his family and now resides in New York where he is studying law at NYU. He also has a memoir due out next year.'

And would you believe that. I read this, and it broke my heart. To think there are amazing people like these men in real life, and yet what we doing with our life? At times it makes me feel, put down, you know? It has always been my biggest dream to achieve that position in life where I could help and stand up for people. I've been reading and watching injustices happening each day, and yet there is nothing I could do. Occasionally I stand up for someone who needs the support, even with the words hurled at my way, I was still proud I did it. Even if it creates the strain in some valuable relationship I have with people. This, is true. It breaks my heart to see that particular person being bullied almost every day, and I do my best. But at times, I feel that it is not enough. I am not enough of a person to stand up for another. Makes me feel inferior. And that is why Christian Bale is such an inspiration. Another person who has won me, is Adam Levine. Trust me, I am not the person to be swooning over Adam Levine because he's hot. I have Fernando Torres for that. But some things Adam says on The Voice, tears me up. Because it's so powerful. Like when the 16 year old didnt impress the judges with his performance, but his heart-rendering story and life struggles touches all of us, Adam said something really powerful there. "You were way better than I was at your age." If that doesn't give hope, I don't know what does. And the time when he stood up for De'borah during the battle rounds, saying what she need to hear, the real motivation for someone who doesn't fit in society, that is incredible. 

Back to Christian Bale, what he did was incredible. China needed a hero to look up to, and Christian Bale standing up for Chen Guangcheng is everything an activist needed. The needed the fire for his cause. God knows how much the world needs of men like these. In fact we all need more real life Batmans around. And no one said you can't be one. 

Give me a chance I'll make a, permanent reservation.

Two more days, and it's November! Holy cow, how the hell did we reach here?! I SWEAR, I can remember the 1st of January like it was yesterday. It's like I can feel each and every day as it goes by, and I can feel it go by very fast at the same time. Aaaaand, I've not achieved anything that would make myself proud. Hmph. Second year in a row. I don't know, these two year, it seems like I've taken my foot off the pedal. Settle down and watch as life goes by. And for some crazy reason, I actually like it. Because I learnt so much about life. No, really. And I learn to try not to be ignorant. Life is too extremely short to be ignorant. One moment I was a seven year old carrying my new school bag, donning my new uniform anxiously finding my classroom with my dad on the first day of school (I was late for class.) and now I'm an emotional, sensitive, certifiably crazy during my PMS moments, cussing, confused teenager. If there's one thing that has really changed in me this past year, is that I have began to explore into the colourful world of profanities. Yes, you heard that right. The number of time I go, "Well, FUCK YOU TOO." is unprecedented. I'm that bitter teenager. And I hate a lot of people.
Actually I'm much better off than I was during my last post. I'm actually having fun. Not that I made new friends, but you know, I have a comfy home, and the flow of entertainments, I can survive. I'm having so much fun, that I'm beginning to slack in my homework. DAMN. To be truthful, since elementary school, I have NEVER KEPT UP with homework. Always the last minute job. I doubt that's gonna change anytime soon. My lecturer gave some Criminal Law assignments due this Wednesday, a month ago, and guess what? I have not finished it. AND IT'S A LOT. Good job, Deena, GREAT job in fact. Sigh. I'll get it done tomorrow.
Last Saturday, we had a gathering with the old gang. Bryan, Brian, Chris, Wei Sze, Eu Jian, Kern Yen, Vincent and me. GOD I MISSED THEM SO MUCH. And thankfully, they haven't changed much. And I'm hoping they won't. Lol. I was scrutinising them, but they're fun, and normal. If you want to call them normal. I mean at least they haven't sprout tentacles and an extra limb at the back or something. Always a good time with them. And I've learnt that these are the people worth fighting to keep in your life.

Life suuureee have it's crazy way of working. LIKE THE FACT FERNANDO TORRES GOT HIS SECOND RED CARD IN A PERIOD OF MORE OR LESS A YEAR. WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. WRONG. WITH. THIS. WORLD.

I'm fine, don't worry. I'm not crazy, I'm just.. well I'm being normal. A big messed-up paranoid teenager.

I'm all alone at the crossroads, I'm not at home in my own home.

Here, I am back, to rant about life as I know it. YEAH IT SUCK SO BAD.
Something is wrong with me today. Completely wrong. There's this anxiety building in me, the silent one which threatens to choke, and suffocate. And oh my the restlessness. And everything fell apart today. Just one of those days where I couldn't lift myself up. And the anxiety I felt, the creeping suffocation, reminds me too exactly of how I feel a day before exams during A-Levels. The fear, the loud paranoia and worst of all, the complete hopelessness. I just don't understanding why am I stuck with this feeling. I've been reading a story book, (a quite unhealthy one about vampires, murders and freaky suspense) in bed ALL DAY LONG and I find myself unable to differentiate between reality and... fantasy. And there's the regenerated fear for Mondays. I cannot sit in a classroom for four straight hours, watching people who are from an entirely different realm from me. Maybe that's the problem. Fear of going to class? I'm making friends progressively well, not too many nor none at all, but I felt like I haven't found the right one. Maybe that is what that has been nagging me all this while. Everyone is so... different. I just couldn't find that person I could connect with. Like in Taylors' I've had bad moments, but I had someone, or mind you, a group of people who makes me feel at home. There's Rachel Saw. Very importantly, she was one of the people I could really really connect with, and made my classes worth attending. (Somewhere along the road last year, I lost myself.) She is amazing. We had so much fun gossiping about things and incredibly the crazy things we have done and talked about. I CAN'T FIND ANYONE, ANYONE! TO BE CRAZY WITH HERE! I doubt normal teenagers talk the way Rachel and me do. Not those boy talk or clothes or whatever girls speak about these days, she spends her time talking obsesssively on world domination plans and I rebutted them, and then there's our favourite genre of book talk, fantasy! And celebrities. Singers, actors. How we both loooove Ke$ha. NOT. I NEED YOU HERE RACHEL SAW. I need a little insanity in life to remain sane here.
And my best boy and girl, Christina and Bryan. We keep up ALL THE TIME, yet it's never quite the same. Occasionally there's this thing we go crazy on twitter or whatsapp, the usual teasing, Christina's new crush, Bryan's not-so-failproof way of winning HIS crush, and the regular Batman dialogue talks, but it's not the same having them next to me. GOD, EVERYONE'S MOVING ON SO FAST!
I need, really really need someone to connect with. Someone insane. Come on, where ARE YOU?! I have great friends, Ching Yin and Sze Ying are angels, but.. it's just not the same. I need help. I need therapy. Or maybe I just need an escapade from my dad's possessive upbringing of us. There you go, the bitter daughter has been set loose. I love my parents, but I wish that they could give me a breather. Have real fun for once. Because right now, I'm just a bitter, moody and restless teenager out of touch of the sense of belonging. I need faith. And it would help if there at least give me the motivation and support. I'm tired of the constant doubts and misunderstood perceptions. I was hoping He would help me with that. Give me someone, ANYONE, who's a lot like me, yet not quite the same, who's certifiably crazy, with crazy but amazing ideas, who laughs like there's no tomorrow and who could make me feel at home. Just clone yourself, Rachel. I'm being an emotional wreck.

Dear Chris, it's always tough to lose a loved one, but you know they'll be in a better place. Among the stars, in heaven. Hoping you are staying strong at these moments.


On a side note, I'm dreading class tomorrow, SO BAD. Freshers night was last friday, (which I didn't attend, obviously) so most of my classmates have already broke the ice and already start being chummy with each other.. and then there's us. The social outcasts. Plus I'm tired of seeing a lot of those fake plastics inconsiderate boring sickening people with that weird priorities like looking pretty and "YOLO" kinda thing, I mean come on, how can you be so oblivious with the real life? Ignorance. Such ignorance.

Or maybe I'm just bitter. Whatever.

Yeah, we got this Bruce.