Start To Think It Could Be Fizzling Out, Kinda Shocked Because I Never Really Had Any Doubts, Look Into Your Eyes, Imagine Life Without Ya

It's been ages. Again. I really think I should come back. Blog more. These words, I need to immortalise the moments I've had, and my thoughts, for the future. Imagine I woke up one day, and realise five years of my life is missing. Just disappeared. Feeling empty, the surroundings are.
Ohkay, those were words from the new movie featuring the beautiful Channing Tatum. The Vow.
But really, what if. What if. Some of the thoughts that appeared in my head while I was watching the world outside from the window of the bus. The unpredictable world. Washed out by the rain, a toast to new hope. :)
Just one year or so out of high school and I was befallen with so much of.. situations and decisions, some things can be hard to accept. Or maybe really, it's just time, time which kills every one of us. If I really do have all the time in the world, my life would be perfect. I could take things slowly enough to avoid mistakes, I don't have to jump into the bandwagon when opportunity knocks at my door, I could take time to weigh my options, I would have enough time to undo my mistakes. I would have enough time to tell the most troubled, how beautiful they are, how I would be there for them, when they need my help. I would have enough time to realise anger kills the beauty in you. We act in the spur of the time, not thinking, because our nature insists that what is not done now, will not be done forever. But really?
Few days ago, I was so angered by these people who were plain plastic. They don't mean, what they say. People who brought me down just by pushing me away. At first I thought, perhaps it's just me. What's wrong with me, really? And it was my father's words which helped me realise. My father who always put the blame on me, to teach me that I should be responsible for my own action. He said, it wasn't my fault, this one is not.
It's funny really, when all I've done was to be nothing  but extremely nice to them, even though gut feelings says they aren't that nice themselves. It confuses me. I wouldn't do that, really. I hate the thought of another, being in my presence but having to brace a hard time being lonely and not fitting in, or feeling helpless.
But all I could do is, smile at them. I didn't realise this before, but it's what I am going to do now. For those people who makes me feel just like Luis Suarez. You know deep inside, I am not wrong. (And neither was Suarez. I'm standing by him. Not because he is a racist bastard. But because everyone makes mistake at some point of their life, which changes the perspective of others toward him, but all he could do is keep walking. Stop making a a bloody mess out of this. He has been punished severely and that is lesson learnt enough.) So yeah. Anger is not going to solve anything. Bringing another down? What goes around, comes around, my friend.
I shouldn't really be bothered by these people, really. Anyway, this blog post is mainly about me vowing to blog more, and and and to think about life, basically. Life, is fascinating. The people in it, actually. Very. When I stop for awhile to think about life, and I see I've come so far. Turning nineteen this year! Hopefully I'm getting wiser. But it feels like I did. There have been a time when all I cared is about me. Laughing at the stupidest possible thing. All I cared was about the texts I received every night. Making fun of others? I was held guilty for that. Never thought I'd be so dumb to fall into ludicrous company. Why, I myself do not know. I was just being stupid. That felt like a million light years ago. Right now, I've never had a year with so much fun. But still the crazy obsessed fan of Rafael Nadal and Lewis Hamilton. And Fernando Torres. Nothing less to describe him. But my recentormaybenotsorecent obsession these days, is all I could think of. Hahah. I LOVE THE WANTED. Their music makes me happy, their videos gets me contented. The addiction to them, keeps me sane in this crazy life. If they can enjoy life with just the way they think, so can I, no? Everyday, Nathan Skyes is like a mantra. LOL. But the others are equally amazing too. They are so not afraid to show the child in them. Makes them more beautiful, no? Especially Thomas Parker. God, that boy. HAHAH. And Seeeeeev. The perfect Indian. Hahah. Jay is just.. smooth. Max, is weird. Well all of them are crazay. Makes them awesome.:) And my psychoticandeverysingleadjectivesthatcanbeusedtodescribemadpsychos never fail to make my life eventful either. Christina, Bryan, Brian, Vince, Kuan Jon (Istillfeelikemurderinghim.), newfound friend, Sze Yin. Then the mad classmates. Especially, Jovan and Rachel. Imagine you sit in between both of them. And anytime soon, you are going to lose it. Just. Lose. It. But at the end of the day I love them all the same. It's funny how randomly the closest people around you could come into your life  and spend the most beautiful days of your life with you. But at the same time, they could leave. Things would never be the same, eh? I had so many people walking in, arranging my puzzle pieces, and before I could sit back and admire the art work, they walk out almost immediatelY. Oh life. Sometimes, I try to keep neutral. Act like these things, doesn't really matter. But I couldn't. You walk away without an 'au revoir' at our lives' crossroads? Makes me curious as to whatmore to expect.
Life is can be so random, really. Like few weeks ago, what are the odds would I be expecting my dad to be driving a sports car? Now, I have to believe. Nothing, nothing happens as it's plans. Everything is just a flash in the pan, that's how the best things you get. Like if you said, "One day I'm going to be married to a super-rich business man, and enjoy all the luxuries in life."
But, really? You jinxed it just by thinking about it, mate. Sorry for you.

You can dream, you can imagine. Just don't be so sure of yourself.

P.S- The Wanted is WAAAAAY better than One Direction. While in One D, small kids trying to be adult, (yeah like dating woman more than 10 years your senior. Is that why you people swoon over Zayn and Harry Styles?) The Wanted dudes are never shy to show off their childish sides. The moment the interviewer asked, "So you guys single or dating?" And Seev was like "We are dating ourselves!" and Tom was like, "Yeah I'm married to Nathan. In Vegas. In a white chapel. And the interviewer was like, "alright ladies.." Tom answered, "It's over. It's officially Nathan." And the entire time Nathan's face was flabbergasted. And I couldn't stop laughing. And pardon me for this. Hahaha.

Nathan Skyes' Valentine's Day. We are one and the same, baby. HAHAH.

 

I still think this is the best bromance pair. Niva. HAHAH. Stay away, Tom. Stick to Max. Max's getting jealous already.

 

They make me happy. Sighs. 

Okay I'm done, gotta rush for class. Peace out! :D

Ohana Means Family, Family Means Nobody Is Left Behind

Happy February, everyone. A year ago, Fernando Torres left Liverpool. I was broken, and still am. Hoping for him to come back, that's almost impossible. The man, has grown on me. Everything about him.
And Rafael Nadal, inspires me like no one else. He taught me to keep fighting. I will. Just like him.:)

My best friends are the best thing I could ever ask for. Chris, Vincent, Bryan, Brian. We will miss Chia so much. You got a friend in us. We'll  miss you, so much.

And words can't describe how much I love Nathan Skyes. Random and unbelievable. I know.:)

Long Live All The Mountains We Moved, I Had The Time Of My Life Fighting Dragons With You.

It has been a long day, today, it was. Right now, I'm exhausted to the core, every part of me aching and wanting to hit the bed. But in a moment, in a moment. After blogging, perhaps. Anyway, this is the first time I'm blogging since college resumed, and that is because it was possibly the best day I've had since it started on the 10th of January. Like, seriously.
I was so excited to go college, and when I did, it all fell flat. Like something was just not right.

But today, it felt good. I like how it feels.:D It was fantastic! My class ended at 12, because I dropped Physics so no extra hour brain-cramming. Seriously, without Physics, it felt like a huge burden off my shoulders. So yeah. Lunch today was AWESOME. It was just the three of us, me, Rachel Saw, and Christina. It was all laughs and fun, just talking over food about things you honestly wouldn't want to know. Rachel called it, the 'Noodle Talk'. We sat there, imagining each and everyone's future, and making our own arrangement within our heads, TALKING ABOUT THE FUTURE LIKE WE HAD A CLUE. Hahahaha. With Rachel and her extreme imaginations, I must say it was quite colourful predictions, there were. Though I must say half of them will neverrr happen. NEVER. Seriously I'm gonna miss all this coffee talk I've had with Rach and Chris thus far, in the future. I don't think I will find any personality as colourful and loud as these two. Noisy, insightful, imaginative, and the best thing about both of them, is the fact that they allow themselves to dream big, and believe. It's sad how in a couple of months to come, we will be parting ways, and all these moments we've had so far, will just remain in the book of memories.We learnt so much, and having grown on each other, it's gonna be tough to let go. And I already feel the invisible tears. Hahah.

That was lunch, and some GongChaSubwayCookies table talk too. It has come to predictions, on how Christina will get an abusive husband due to her liking for pain, which means she will take on the Beauty character who finds her Beast. And Rachel, will be the Talking Beauty, who's Prince Charming's duty is to silence her. To candidates out there who decide to try their luck, I warn you, enter at your own risk.
Funny lah.
In the classroom it never gets boring, especially when Jovan's around. But only when he jokes around with the teacher, that is. And NOT when he's off repeating some completely insensible rumours. Hmph.
So yeahhh. And that wasn't just the hilarious part of the day. The bus, had been the noisiest it has ever been since the first day, thanks to us. In the morning, Chris and Bryan had a beautiful bonding moment, when he placed leg with that disgusting shoe on top of Christina's headrest. The arguments between them. So beautiful. And later on the way home, seriously, we were terrible. There was this small part of me feeling guilty, but then again... We were talking super loud, arguing, shouting, laughing at, in the bus. Everyone else, was sleeping. When you have Brian Teoh at his most concious, you can't really shut up. And Bryan and Chia started shouting IMMATURELY about hitting badminton racquets on the heads.. Weirdos.Well, it was funny you know. Just like old times. Old good times. Though there is the one friend of ours who we feel a little segregated from the 'family' but I hope that will change. I hope. Sighs. Well, we won't give up. We have the best family of friends, and we won't lose it. It has been amazing our journey so far, and we are keeping that way. I love them, idiots.:)

Oh right, and here comes the part about Chris' love for Koreans. And she has a crush on Vincent's Korean friend, S. And he was here today. She was sooooo excited. Oh, god. And Brian started telling her about how Korean husbands, the hit their wives. THE IRONY. Me and Chris started laughing, wasn't that the idea we had over our 'Noodle Talk'? Christina and her abusive husband. Christina and her love for Koreans. It's seems like her dream might just be a tad closer. Yet I still feel she's better of with BO. Teehee!
God, my friends are the best idiots I can get and I love them.:D

I'm trying to enjoy each day as it goes buy, because according to Chris, we only have 10 weeks in college to make memories.:( Now, that's not much, isn't it? Oh well. We can hold on. And be awesome and united like The Wanted dudes. Did I tell you I'm back to obsessing about them? After a couple of blogposts about them last year, this year, the obsession came back STRONGER. And I am totally, completely, in love with Nathan Skyes. The shortest dude in the team, happens to be taller than me. How tall are the others then?! Nathan is INCREDIBLE. Everything about him. Nathan Skyes, I love you! Anyway, I've been spending waaaay too much time watching their videos, their vlogs, stalking their Twitter.. God bless my soul.

And Rich Herrera? Was in KL yesterday. OHMYGODDD. I knew it, but I didn't know he would stop by Hitz Fm! Damn. But I must say I enjoyed watching him flirting with Siri. IT WAS HILARIOUS! Reminds me of the time Bryan tried flirting with Siri in my iPhone. "Siri, do you love me?" "Siri, are you single?" "Siri, am I forever alone?" THAT BOY.

P.S- Till today I am still bouncing with pride towards Fernando Torres. That volley in the game against Sunderland, AMAZING. I stayed up late night to watch Liv's match, and ended up watching Fernando all night long. His every move, was a reminiscent of his best form. When he was at his devastating best for Liverpool. Just like old times. Perhaps it's true that he might have return. Might.
  I won't give up on you, even if the skies get rough. :)


Time to get to bed and get up tomorrow to create history, as I've been doing with the people I love thus far. We'll be a dream. :) And try to not fall even more sick than I already am.

Long Live All The Magic We Made

Tomorrow, I go back to college. It's gonna be helluva six months, I can tell. There's gonna be so much going on in life, I don't think I would be bothered with all this social networking and blogging as I was last year. Okay, maybe Twitter will be my sole update of the social life.
Facebook, can make someone, anyone, go completely crazy. And I want to finally get a life. So.
New Year has been FANTASTIC. When we rang it in, I had no idea it's gonna be on full-blast with such... prosperity? Hahah. I celebrated New Year at my grandmum's. So every one of my relatives were there, and it was incredible. I stayed over at Shah Alam, and those 4 days were magnifique. Really. So much love. Accompanying my grandmother at her house, is truly a memorable moment. I love her, as much as she loves me, seeing as I'm the eldest granddaughter and I get extra attention compared to my brothers or cousins. Teehee.
Every day I was there, it was all love, I felt it. It's wonderful really. Just few days with the people I love, especially my grandma and I realise, like really do, that there's more to life than what I'm living in.
Plus the fact, it was great to go back being a kid again. Well not physically, that's impossible, but spending time with kids, makes you miss your childhood. Like I do. If only I had grown up together with that many playmates around me. My playmates when I was a kid were fairytale characters out of Enid Blyton's books. And Harry, of course.:)
The night sky tonight, is absolutely gorgeous. It's been ages since I've seen the stars out, and the moon, was in it's best, it's just beautiful. I have something for the stars. It makes me feel... hopeful.

Yeah well, today was a tiring day. But worth it, and productive. I love today.:)
Thank you, you, for being you who makes me, me.:)

You won't get faith and hope down a telescope, you won't get heart and soul in the stars, you can break everything down to chemicals, but you can't explain a love like ours. :)




One of my new year's wishlist was, to see more of John Mayer and Jason Mraz this year. I love them, their voice, their song. So much of brilliance and reality to their music. And it's seems like the Music God, Apollo, possibly, was actually listening, and few days after new year, Jason Mraz released his single, and it hit all the way to the top, till now. So I have hope.:)

You're So Hypnotizing, You Got Me Laughing While I Sing, You got Me Smiling In My Sleep.; To A Wonderful Year, Past and Future.

Okay lovely people all around, as you can see, there's a teeny bit of facelift here. Ladies and gentlemen, this, is the new face of 2012. A new year, a new start, and a determination to forget that 2011 actually existed. Not that it was an entirely bad year, it's just.. the worst I've felt. But I have this big bubble of optimism in me, that 2012 is GONNA ROCK! I hope. I mean, why not. So, here's a post rambling about everything else that's been going on in my head while I've been lazy to come online.
First, as to explain the facelift. The change happened because.. for 2012 I've decided to go original. No black pepper or BBQ sauce. Okay that doesn't make sense. Too much of Kenny Rogers-ing. Anyway, the title, 'Keep Walking', that's my whatyouwouldcall a motto? My life quote. The words on the walls of my room. Yeah, it's that simple, just keep walking, love.
The picture and description, speaks for itself. So to speak, I'm keeping it simple, but optimistic. Keeping the hope alive. Open up and put ourselves in the world out there. This holidays, Harry Potter has been the motivational camp at Hogwarts. Hello, there's more to life than having boyfriends, you know! Sighs. Just.. keep walking.
So, some summary on how the great 2011 went so far, I mean at least I'm still alive today, so that's memorable enough. So here's to 2011:
- I started college in January, in Taylors. (BIG mistake, I tell you. Oh well, regrets and mistakes there were memories made..)
- I met some crazy classmates from all over Malaysia. Jason Low Wai Kit, NG WENG MING!, Shaun Wee, James Ng, Jessie Lim, Ker Shiong, Brandon Loo, Ashwin, Sakinah, Rishebashni and the rest of the clan. Awesome people. Oh yeah and somehow I got stuck in the same class as two psychopaths with whom I've been in the same school for FIVE years, Rachel Saw Yi Jian and Chiew Wei Wei. Yes, I'm complaining. And no, I'm just kidding.:)
-I found a family within my friends. The Super Six. Christina Gan, Vincent Loo, Bryan Ong, Chia Eujian, Brian Teoh, and me, of course. It has been a tremendous journey together, we laughed, and celebrated, everything was so AMAZING. Each person, was unique in their own way. CRAZY, like the most craziest, yes, but unique. Thank you guys for every moment we shared. Feels magical, and this post, feels tacky. Moving on.
-SPM results came out When I thought my life was bad, apparently Lewis Hamilton, Rafael Nadal, Fernando Torres and Fernando Verdasco lives in a parallel world to mine, but moving in the same direction. Lewis's season was a COMPLETE disaster, despite two out of three FANTASTIC victories. Best of the year.Rafael, did better than the rest, French Open title went to him and so did the Davis Cup, proving his status as the King of Clay Court. Fernando Torres. The world knows his story so I'm not bothered breaking into details. But mind you, I still have faith. FAITH. Fernando Verdasco has not won a single title this year, except for Davis Cup. But their are gonna rock 2012, especially Lewis and Fernando Torres. You argument, is invalid.
-I got a DSLR! That is major news. Oh, you can throw in the iPad too. It's finally mine.:)
-I had the BEST BIRTHDAY I've had in years, thanks to some crazy idiots of friends I have. Thank you Chris, Bryan, Vince, Chia, Bev and Hui Yen. You people are beautiful.
-My A-Levels results SUCK, big time.
-Spain won the Davis Cup and I watched those games with PRIDE till the dawn of the morning. Yeah, hardcore. That was only cause we were vacationing in India, thus I was allowed. Back in Malaysia, I would have been slayed. Thank you, lady luck.
-Harry Potter movie series ended this year. And in the many many polls and film critic lists that goes on in the Net, it has topped as the best film of the year. I am not arguing. The movie was a masterpiece. Just as the entire series was. I am proud to be part of the Harry Potter generation, like for real. In fact, I am still reading the books. Like this holidays. I did. And it's hands down the BEST BOOK IN HISTORY.
-Superhero frenzy. Captain America. Thor. But the best has always and will always be the one and only Christian Bale's Batman. Class, swag, brilliance. But 2012, I believe the frenzy will just intensify a tenfold. Avengers, THE DARK KNIGHT RISES, and Spiderman.
-Demi Lovato made a comeback after struggling in life, and she rose like a skyscraper. Thanks, inspiration. :) This is one woman who can sing. That voice.
-Richard Herrera tweeted me, Richard Herrera tweeted me, RICHARD HERRERA TWEETED ME!
-I am hopelessly, completely, totally, hoooked to these jokers in Youtube called Ryan Higa, Kevjumba, Chester See, Victor Kim, WONGFUPRODUCTION! And I looooove Kina Grannis, Boyce Avenue, Sam Tsui. Well no big, thanks to them I've been spending way too much time on Youtube this entire year. Gosh.
-I got my guitar, and I'm a guitarist now. #swag :D
-I realise people, the same age as moi, who drinks irresponsibly, and spend their time clubbing the hell out of themselves, are lunatics.
-I see that Fernando Torres needs to come back to Liverpool.
-I spent so much of time staying up late night, to watch Liverpool's matches. Like a madman. But I'm a bona fide Reds' fan, that's what we do.
That's it guys, I can't think of anything else that is memorable.Even there is more, it's not like I want to tell. Hahah. So there. A bittersweet year, which I am hoping will NEVER repeat in the same way in 2012. In any way. I'm losing it, I need sleeeeeep. Badminton game with the "Super Six minus two" left my left foot swollen. Ah hell.

Still I must say 2011 was one hell of a year. It was a roller-coaster ride, but I admit I learnt alot. So much of experiences. Being pushed into things you find your heart is reluctant to do, you suffered, but at the end of the day, that's what makes you, you, right? A strong figure underneath the storm. I found a family who's very dear to my heart, I've met incredible people, I've learnt astounding yet amazing stories. I've observed the reality much more carefully than I have ever done, and found myself seeing certain things in a different light. As much as I wish 2011 to be over as fast as possible, it wasn't a year in vain, to tell you the truth. It was a year I really  learn to become stronger.
A year I learnt to keep walking. So yeah, thank you 2011. Memorable, you were.
And now, here's a toast, to 2012. To a better year. A better journey. Next year, is one step closer to my future. I've got to make a decision. I've got to keep walking.:)
Cheers, with love!

Peace out!

See This Heart, Won't Settle Down, Like A Child Running Scared From A Clown

There's just this steadily increasing bout of excitement in me. Christmas, and a week later, New Year. I have been waiting for the New Year to begin like for ages, I must say. At some point this year, I gave up on waiting for better things to happen. Because I know it's not going to. Maybe my luck was just plain bad this year, what with the series of unfortunate events and everything, but I believe next year is going to be a GREAT one. I don't know. I just have that feeling. I was very pessimistic towards 2011. I thought it could be a year I could just take my foot of the pedal, you know? The biggest mistake I have done this year, and I don't know what I can do to erase them.
Nevertheless, I'm looking forward to a very exciting new year. I know it's gonna be fantastic. And I'm planning to live every single moment of this last week of 2011. Time. It just flies past. It's practically the cause of every mistake we do, only because we don't have enough time. And it's also the giver of opportunity.
2012, it's just.. it makes me feel like I'm gonna start all over again. It's what I want. So dear Fate, don't ruin this for me, okay? :)

I don't understand my own babblings, really. There's just a sense of excitement in me that I can't explain myself. I want everything to be perfect. To think about it, college ends next year June, and then the prospect of what's waiting for me and my dearest friends in our future is wide open. Hahah. But seriously.

It's always because we don't have enough time, isn't it? I can't believe at some point I'm gonna leave everything behind.. My brothers were discussing on how my dad should consider getting a bigger car since all of us have grown up quite a deal, next year my youngest bro will turn thirteen! And my mom casually put in that I won't be here much longer. To think I'll be leaving my old life behind in pursuit of something new.. Scary. And leaving my friends and family. That will be unbearable. While leaving my family while I study won't change a thing because I know I will always come back to their warmth and my home, but I don't think it will be the same with friends, will it? That will be painful, that will. All those memories.

I'm just pondering about the future, and wishing it would go my way. We all fear things we don't know.
And I'm scared. Already am.

Merry Christmas, everyone. Spend that last one week like there's no next year. I mean, it's gonna be a whole new ball game, isn't it? At least now we are feeling secured. I am. Next year's just a big question mark.
World, I'm waiting for what you have yet to offer me. That's for all the excitement pent up in me.:)

I See The Light

Before I continue, here's a shoutout to the beautiful but old Canny Lee Kern Yeung! Hahaha. Dearest nenek moyang, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Stay awesome like that always.

Okay, done.


Hello world and I realise there's isn't any point of mopping around in that emo facade. It's Christmas, and New Year comes after that and 2011 is ENDING! That is a joy.
Today is Christmas Eve. I didn't have to say that, but I don't know what else there is to say. The last week has been a complete bore, unless you find the part I almost got torn into pieces by a bloody Pitbull is in anyway interesting. Near death experience. And this holidays I got hooked on two new television shows, Cash Cab Asia AND Football Overload. :D
Just stay home and read Harry Potter. Stay home and watch Youtube videos. Stay home and get going with my piano and guitar.
Today I wanna do some art. Drawings and craft. And stick it all over my room. That will be fun. Hmph.

Anyway, let's talk about Christmas. Christmas, is a global thing. So when the week draws near, you can feel the spirit brimming in every corner. Like, literally. And I have family members celebrating Christmas, so it isn't really that insignificant to me, isn't it? It's just is so incredible, with everything around you screaming Christmas time! Christmas trees, baubles, all those songs in the radio, Santa Claus!, Christmas movies and everything else. Oh right, the food. Pastries, cookies. Turkey. So yeah. And I must say, Michael Buble's All I Want For Christmas is so goooood. Prefer his over Mariah Carey any day now. Justin Bieber's Mistletoe album's alright actually. I mean it's not mind-blowingly fantastic, but it's alright. You want an album, you get Michael Buble's. FANTASTIC. You want some laughs, you get the YTF Christmas Album. (The YTF gang comprises of Ryan Higa, Kevjumba, Chester See, JR Aquino, Victor Kim, Andrew Garcia and Dominic Sandoval.) They are just as good. Hey, you want more laughs during this period, they will give you lots!
I almost got to experience the magical White Christmas in Europe. But no. It got postponed, for the summer holidays NEXT YEAR. And that, get's me MAD. Dear Bryan is having the time of his life in Italy, and I'm stuck here. It's insanity, I tell you. INSANE. INJUSTICE!

So, here, I posting some videos I've been enjoying these past few days, watch them if you want, or if you have better work to do, then don't bother.
Wait, watch the first video before you go. LIKE SERIOUSLY. It's FANTASTIC!

This one is cute, like really adorable. :)

And to top it off..

Blessed Christmas, everybody. Peace out!

It's Always Darkest Before The Dawn

The year's coming to an end, and there's a strain in me. Somehow I'm pushing people away, and I am feeling resentful all the time. Just these few days. I don't know why, but it's not healthy, I know. And it's that bad that I'm finding solace in reading Harry Potter. Go ahead, laugh. When I was still in school, Harry Potter has always been my source of comfort. Immature, or whatever. But it was the perfect escapade for me, mind you. No book has come this close. It's like Wendy escaping to Neverland? Something like that. So different and yet, so peaceful. You escape reality. With just those turning pages. And then you stop, you are back. Harry Potter is brilliant, I'm just proud to be part of the generation who lived within the pages of the seven book series. So back. I feel like, a storm is coming. Frustration builds up. And then, there's the unspoken guilt and regret. Almost like I'm dying to change everything I have gone through so far. Start over. Go back to the years where I felt carefree, the years which only now I appreciate more than ever. So there's the urge to tear everything within my sight. I talk to no one but my brothers. And sometimes, I just don't understand myself. You know, I think I could do without every material being offered to me and nudging me in the face screaming you are so lucky to get all these stuffs, when all I want is renewed hope. Someone to look at me and say, "I believe in you, because you are amazing, and I'll always have your back." Ironically, I give these support to others, I give these advices to those I care, I have the backs of those whom I really love. It pains me to see anyone not being able to defend themselves in the face of adversity. And adversity being not just in the form of human, but also those demons attacking the settings of the mind. The demons working hard to tear the fuel of hope within you. It's just is not fair. When people condemn you repeatedly to your face and you just stand there looking hopeless. It kills me for them. They deserve to have their voice heard. Sometimes I become their voice. And for voicing it, I have been branded arrogant. Just because I'm a girl? Such injustice. And when these things happen to me, I find myself standing alone, not flanked. Part of me, the big one, believes at all time that I am strong. Judgement after judgement, and hearing those things which, I myself didn't know, the false critics, obviously, makes me laugh. And the makes me cry at the same time. All this while I have been nothing but real. The real me. I don't put up a fake facade, I don't two-time. I can assure you I have been the most honest me I can be at all times. Even with strangers. And perhaps that, is a weakness. Because I had been myself to a stranger, and that did not end well. But I realise, it wasn't my fault to begin with. The fault I should be held for is for not seeing through the mask presented by the stranger. I saw it, but I ignored it. I thought things can change. But I was just being stupid. So, all the while, I was me. And somehow people come with alternatives pointing me not being me. I'm not who I appeared to be. Seriously? And I have no choice to voice that out. I'm nothing but a stupid girl who doesn't know who she is. Apparently they know more than me. That breaks me. That lyric, 'If you could read my mind, you'd be in tears.' Why the tears? My story isn't as tragic as those kids who are robbed of the basic needs in the world. But you'd be tears for all the wrong ideas you had about me. You see me, so real in many ways, and yet you choose to ignore what you see, and do assumptions that would make you see me in a different light. Apparently assumptions are making an ass out of you and me. I'm out of that one. Seriously, is it that hard to fuel hope to another? You chose to bring her down. She's stupid. She's ridiculous. It's the she who has to carry that lump in her throat all the time, believing life would get better. She's wondering, why can't you see.
Just because I speak of that one topic to you only because you are too dense to talk about anything else to me, doesn't mean I worthless. If you really care to find out who I really am, you'd be surprised, but I assure you it isn't anything bad. I know myself, but with all those judgement and critics.. Sometimes I wonder if I should just play along and be who they want me to be. If they are bringing out those non-existent judgement about me, does that means it's exactly how they want me to be?
This year was bad enough for me. Sure, I had learnt so much, much more than I have all those years in school, but I'm just lost right now. If only things were a little different. But I believe that next year would be the best I have ever had. It has to. Or life would be so unfair.
#ForOnceInMyLife I just one someone to look at me and tell my from their heart, that they believe in me and will always have my back. But then again, that's a little too much to ask, isn't it?

And every demon wants his pound of flesh, but I like to keep some things to myself, I like to keep my issues strong..

Eyes On That Red Bugatti Veyron

 

So, I was trying to convince myself they aren't the same person. But of course there's the one that is taller, and younger..

I watched Mission Impossible:Ghost Protocol yesterday, and really, we could do more with these kind of movies. I LOVED it. Brilliant seriously. And Christian Ba Tom Cruise was magnifique! Okay, done.

P.S-The BMW i8 looks sweeeet. And that Bugatti Veyron. That's more like it.

Oh You Gotta Fire And It's Burnin' In The Rain

Today I watched Thor, AGAIN. We bought both Thor and Captain America DVDs, and my cousins came over, so they wanted to watch a movie and we decided on Thor. I, decided on Thor. Because I love Captain America more. What does it have to do with that? When there's the one movie I love alot, I prefer to watch it in complete silence because concentration is essential. And watching Thor made me doubt as to which Marvel character I really like. And then.. no, I still love Captain America. That movie has class. And so does Chris Evans. But Chris Hemsworth is amaaaazing. So. Freakin'. Gorgeous. And seriously, this is some pointless musings, I'm going about. But I love Captain America more than Thor. But I love Chris Hemsworth and Chris Evans just the same.

What is it not to like? But before all these aawesome Marvel superheroes, there's only one for me. The great Batman. The amazing Bruce Wayne. The fantastic Christian Bale. And I so cannot wait for the movie next year, The Dark Knight Rises. It's just so sad that Christopher Nolan's and Christian Bale's take on this comic legend is going to end, because this is definitely the best ever. I LOVE THE DARK KNIGHT. Oh, Christian Bale.

P.S- Oh, Neymar. Neymar Jr. reminds me strikingly of Keisuke Honda. But Keisuke Honda is so tragically underrated. Because he's Asian?

P.P.S- Viva, Barcelonaaaa! 4-0 against Santos is Club World Club Final. So pro.:)