You're in control pressing pause on my heartbeat?

It's the last week as an eighteen year old. Eighteen was a nightmare, I tell you, and how very much I want to put the past behind. Put it behind but not forget it, naturally. Because there are good things to it. And I've met loads of wonderful people in the past one and a half year, it's not too bad.

If I get a birthday cake this year, (note that IF, because there's no celebration at home this nineteenth.) there would be just so many things I would wish for. The same things I wish upon the brightest star on certain nights. (The recent haze has bitterly disappointed me everytime I go outside in search for the stars.) Now that I've got a clear view as to what I am going to be facing in my future, I am PETRIFIED. So scared, that at times, it bothers me while I sleep at night, I had to wake up, read Harry Potter, THEN go back to sleep. But we are not talking about my fears here. I can't find words to describe how afraid I am. And I must be the only one. The paranoid parrot.

If there's a wish I DON'T wish upon a star, it must be for a very shallow reason. Don't ask me why, everyone has that depth of shallowness in them. Of course depths vary according to individuals, but without shallowness, how are we ever going to be having fun? So there you go. And I wish... I really really want to marry Nathan Sykes. The guy is practically my REALISTIC dream guy. Not realistic as in I'll have a chance to actually marry him, (Christina has never failed to remind me over and over again that I will never get a chance to date Nath, HEY, I CAN DREAM, CAN'T I?) realistic as in he is the perfect depiction of today's generation. But with good values. Headstrong. Everything I look for in our generation of boys? Because the current wave of male population around me is far from being a the dream teenager. I can't go on elaborating on the 'dream teenager' topic, however.
I'll have to accept the bitter truth that they will NEVER be anyone who is close to the Peeta Mellark-meets-Bruce Wayne criteria. So easy for teenagers like us today to dream of that perfect Prince Charming in the white horse. Although I've never dreamt of any prince charmings before. When I became old enough to supposingly dream about my other half, I dream about kick-ass billionaires with intelligence next to no other. And a proper attitude naturally. Like I said, Peeta Mellark-meets-Bruce Wayne. BUT THEY DON'T EXIST. They probably do, in that realm where unicorns roam.
SO. The least I could hope for would be Nathan Sykes. Someone like Nathan Sykes. Every single time there are tabloid rumours about him possibly hooking up with another girl, me (and the rest of the world where his fans are) goes, "I can't believe I had to see, the man of my dreams cheating on me.." (That's what he said.) Which are false of course. Ahhh Nathan, you drive us a hard bargain.
Who cares if he's afraid of roller-coaster rides and swimming with sharks? I've got enough bravado to last both of us. BAHAHA. No really. Come on, nobody's perfect. And I've gotten used to going on roller-coaster rides alone. No big deal.
And he looks like Sid the Sloth. Could I love him more?

I wished for a very special nineteenth, at the start of the year. Celebrations, probably not going to happen. BECAUSE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED, IDIOT. To me it's special. It reminds me of how much I need to channel my inner Harry Potter or Katniss Everdeen to face life. I'll be alright. Here's to a first birthday, all by myself. AND NO I'M NOT FISHING FOR SYMPATHIES. Sometimes you need to be alone to find who you really are. You need to bask in the hardest of times to find your capabilities. I'm more than willing to say goodbye, eighteen. Sunday morning, I'll go on a The Wanted marathon. On my iPod. And you know what's even more awesome? I still use my iPod obsessively everyday despite the half-bitten earphones of mine. Yeah, thanks, Torres. So if in the future, you meet me and say something only within the perimeter of the right side of my ear, and I don't answer you, you know my hearing's damage because only the right side of the earphones is working properly. And it's worth my life to ask my dad for a new one. 

I re-read the post again and wondered, what the hell did I just blogged about. Whatever. 

Someday, I'll Be Strong Enough To Lift, Not One But Both Of Us.

This is it. I'm going to begin a new life in two weeks time. A new life? Sounds dramatic, no? Although I do feel that I've gone through the storm and survived. Time for celebration! The thing is, I have successfully enrolled myself in a law school and am looking at a law career path and you have no idea how much I'm dying inside to do so well in this new path. I really really want to do this. And the consultant who helped me enrol today, was amazing. Her words gave off so much confidence and motivation, I feel I can do this. I KNOW I can do this. What can I say, I'm just so excited. Like a child who's been given a new doll.

These few months, the months I've been on break, have been frustrating and plain crazy. Friends who did not do A-Levels for Pre-U, had got themselves enrolled in universities in their respective courses, starting in September. Ditto for some friends who did A-Levels along with me. EVERYONE'S talking about their universities. How they are all excited for the future. How they are all determined to achieve their ambitions.
And then... there's me. Walking around with the feeling of an axe about to drop on my head any moment now. I have zero idea as to what is going to happen to me. What am I going to do. What if my results are too bad to consider any professional course? What if I have to resit my entire A2 examinations? What if my father do me a favour and kill me before I can think of any solutions to my failure? At some point I was so convinced I'm going to fail. Because the scenario kept popping in my head at the randomest of times, over and over again, and in two months, it has convinced me. But, HALLELUJAH! I didn't, and the nightmare I've been dreading, "Please don't make me go back there." did not happen. I am off to a new adventure. My mom can practically see the spring in my steps.

And I've got my mother's blessings, and that's EVERYTHING I could ask for. Her faith. It's what going to keep me moving. My consultant today, Sabrina, had lay out a challenge for me. A chance to prove myself. And I accepted it. 4 years of blood, sweat and tears? I'm up for it. I get pumped up easily, of course. I just wish it could happen. Whatever that I wish for. I don't think I could stand watching myself disappoint my father yet again. It's been long enough.

Sure I can do this. Wish me luck. "I'll do something epic, and they won't forget me, good enough, not good enough for me." :D

"Be free to write our own story. Follow our hearts and find love in our time." –Merida (Brave)

I'm going to be turning nineteen very soon, and I suppose there's a new start to life along with it too. For now, I can scream, "A-LEVELS IS HISTORY!" You have NO idea how relieved I am. But doesn't stop it from turning my life into a living hell though. My parents probably hate me because I have yet again, disappointed them. Not knowing how relieved and grateful I am to dear God that I finally get to move on.
For me, A-levels, was the biggest mistake I've done, in eighteen years of my life. While waiting for results, I was praying, "Please, please, please don't let me go back there." I don't think I could survive.
Personally, I think my parents were hoping that I would get really good results, and then looking at it I would change my mind and go back to wanting to study medicine. FAT CHANCE. Sorry, mom, sorry dad, but I've have completely lost interest in the science field. Not that I was interested in the first place. In secondary school, you felt like you have no choice. You HAVE to take science stream, because somehow it judges your intelligence. That's what society said. Stupid, stupid, stupid. But now, when I have the choice, THE choice, when I finally got to know what I should be doing, what I CAN do, and what with all the experiences I've obtained in the past one and a half year, nobody's impressed. Let's do that Mckayla Maroney face. Yeah that. Apparently I've spent all my time wasted last few years studying science and I will not be successful because I DO NOT WANT TO DO WHAT PEOPLE ASK ME TO DO BECAUSE APPARENTLY THEY KNOW ME BETTER. I'm livid alright. I wonder how it's like to live having people around you supporting you through those dark days, and motivating you and willing to help pick you up when you fall. Because trust me, I have none of those. Sometimes it hurts so bad, I just want to give up on life. Forget all the expectations and just drag my feet and just be a person with no ambitions. You just exist. But that's not me. I have big dreams, and I want to live my life to the fullest. But naturally it's not easy when there's little love and care in life. Sighs. I could break down from the words I'm being thrown at. I could cry the entire night and dread the following morning. I could lock myself up and not talk to anyone. But I don't want to because I believe in myself. I alone. And then, there's my friend. Christina, she's a jewel. I envy her, the love and care she gets from home. The support. But she gives me those. Her words, are inspiration. Motivation. Support. Love. Sometimes I feel like asking my parents, if you don't give me the support and love I need even if what I do doesn't make you proud, where else would I go? But I'm sure that will only fall to deaf ears. Christina's words are the source of strength, which makes me believe in me. That I am more than this. I know that because I have achieved great things before. People might have forgotten what I'm capable of, but not me. I am myself and I don't intend to change that. I saw this quote once,

"If you end up with a boring miserable life BECAUSE you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then your deserve it."

How true. That's why I've made my mind. I'm going headstrong into this, and I know I can do it, better than anyone had expected. I am not going to give up. Maybe sometimes in your pursuit of what you want, you'll will somehow end up disappointing others. It doesn't matter. You've got to take control of your own life, no? I know I can do this.

To everyone out there who's chasing your dream after your results yesterday, all the very best. At least I know God is on my side. I couldn't ask for more. I want to have fun and love doing what I do. Like The Wanted.
Or Usain Bolt. The joy they find in what they do. Not the eagerness in wanting to prove something. The pride of sharing their experience with another, it's a wonderful thing. Doesn't matter if anyone cares how my birthday is going to be celebrated, this will be a birthday I'm going to be very proud of myself. I've made it this far, and I'm looking at bigger things ahead of me. Thank you Lord. It's obvious, what doesn't kill makes you stronger. The past one and a half year has.

Hypnotised by Drums, Until Forever Comes.

I could get used to this life everyday, naturally without the constant scoldings from mother dearest. I only hope it's a phase every teenager would be going through, or else it's pretty unfair, don't you think?! My mere existence within this house irks her perhaps, because I wake up at a late 7, while she has to wake up at 5.30am. Forgive me, for this privilege I'm bestowed upon, mother. Honestly. But I know, she couldn't live without me, even if she wants to.
It has been fairly a breeze, life is. What with wanting to learn something new every day, I'm not doing too bad. Not that it has been fantastic. But, not bad. There's just so much to learn, I don't know where to start! But the interesting part of 'doing something', is my study on human behaviour. Human. Their characteristics. Their ideas. What goes through their head. I find human, a fascinating study. I try not to judge a person too fast. Not by their appearance, oh no. Because like the next human being, I would be making occasional grave mistakes, and that wouldn't add me up as nice, wouldn't it? Human has always been too fast to decide whether they are going to like someone or not, just by looking at that person. And most of the time, the 'good-looking ones', always end up at the throne. The confidence they feed on, my my, you would think that they think they are gliding amongst the clouds. That's just is. Forgive for it might sound harsh, but honestly, I don't get it. And how would you know a person KNOWS the fact that they are beautiful? Social networking sites. I wonder how some people never fail to post a picture EVERY. DAMN. DAY. Picture, a picture of themselves. In various poses. The Internet has been quick to grasp this fact and the jokes flying around. It gives us good laugh, but, far from stopping this what I call utter ridiculousness. Pointless pictures. Pictures with captions about them getting new bracelets, new bag, but what you get is the signature model-esque poses trying to show those beautiful faces they are very much proud about.
Oh, society. They have defined perfection with a stranglehold to it, that anything out of the ordinary is scoffed it. The perfect face. The perfect eyes. The perfect body. The perfect hair. Yes, yes, such is the importance of a person's appearance, that anything different is laughed at. I wouldn't understand it.
And then you get the ever increasing fake products in the market today. BECAUSE YOU NEED TO ATTEND A PARTY WITH THOSE LONG EYELASHES, OR ELSE YOU ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE AND THEREFORE YOU SHOULD GET LOST BEFORE WE LAUGH AT YOU. Let's not get started with the make-up products. I'm a girl. Recently I purchased a new make-up set. Eye shadows of a variety of colours. Lip glosses. Mascara. Eye liner. etc. I stare at them, not getting the hype over these things. Almost nineteen, and this is the first time I'm having these things, as my own. My history with make-up, could be counted with my fingers on my right hand. Pre-school concerts. That choir competition when I was ten. Cousin's wedding last year. And most recently, prom night. Prom was the perfect example of the human obsession towards 'looking good.' You walk into the hotel, and you find yourself not recognising anyone at first glance. The girls of course. Hidden behind those weights of make-up.
It's alright wanting to look your best. In fact it's good. But getting carried away? I got carried away too, I must say. What were we talking again? Ahhh yes, the human mind. HUMAN PRIORITIES TODAY. And how it affects judging another today. Social networks are the perfect place to study a person. Go on, FACEBOOK. You are not JUDGING yet, you are studying. Two different things. You may argue with me, but I'm not going to waste my time. I do not place a person in a specific category. That;s judging. But I get mind-blown at the priorities people put into perspectives. What is important and what is not. It has been ages since I've posted anything personal on Facebook, I've come a long way. Bad experience, painful moments. Yeah right, like I CARE.
When I first signed up in Facebook, I thought we were supposed to keep in contact with friends and people of the same interests. KEEP IN CONTACT. But as time moves on, all I see is...photos of themselves EVERY SINGLE DAY, the attention they are asking for, possibly to tell the world that they too could have a good shot of modelling to rank themselves among the likes of Gisele Bundchen, Irina Shayk and Bar Rafaelli, not just for the sake of updating people from time to time on how much they have grown. Updating people? Yeah cause you are evolving everyday like a Metamorphmagus. Pink hair today, purple hair the next. WHEN WILL PERSONALITIES GET A CHANCE TO SPEAK OUT? And the statuses. Just woah. You can see it for yourself which statuses gain the most likes. (Boyfriend's on Facebook that is why, "I need to let the whole world know we had a fight and I need a sympathy from another just so that my boyfriend would get jealous." And Facebook shows the whole new level of Overly Attached Girlfriend. Oh God.
I didn't know posting a status littered with profanities would make me a thousand times cooler because only then I would garner loads of likes. There also happen to be loads of love gurus there, no?
There's just far too many of these. But no, I'm not going to be using these to judge a person. I just find it fascinating, fascinated at the priorities my generation take into account. Just 18, and suffering from severe heartache. As if the world's coming to an end with that. At 14, apparently they are already in love. If there's one thing a lot of people don't understand, I would say it's that THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU. Pick yourself up and make a difference to the world, not just yourself.
 I've looked through many profiles, the various personalities, each and every behaviour, every word said, and all I can say is that, IT'S JUST IS SO CONFUSING. Sure, everyone's unique, yet everyone's the same.
I try to look at all these people and find that answer to that one question I've been asking since a kid. I remember when I was six years old, I asked my mother this question, "Ma, are we real?" She wasn't really listening to me and all I got was a "Mmph." But it has always bothered me during my childhood. What if were are all just an illusion? Fragments of imagination. What is holding the universe?

But the question I still don't get till today is, "What are we supposed to live for?"

Maybe it's just me. Twisted confusion within my head. Are we not still running in circles? Maybe not. Maybe I'm just stuck with my thoughts, looking into unspoken depths when the reason could be a lot simpler. Just live. And let fate play the game.

Viva La Espana!

It has been some crazy 48 hours. On Sunday, I was positively losing my mind. Pondering around restlessly, trying not to think. I blogged, I walked around the house, round and round, read Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, trying to take a nap in the afternoon but failing to do so, my mind was too loud, refusing to allow me to sleep and forget everything for a bit, and in the evening, I slipped into this zombie in which I hardly spoke to anyone. But I was LOUD, on Twitter. Losing my mind with paranoia.
Because you see, it was the finals on Sunday. More like yesterday morning here in Malaysia, but still official date reads 1st of July. Spain, the team I practically lived for, the past three weeks, is in the finals. But predictions and signs showed that they were AGAINST the odds to win a third major consecutive title. I became very pessimistic, eaten up by my own paranoia, watching the continuous sports news on tv and how a majority of supporters were rooting for the Italians, convinced that they could pull off an upset. I was sure at that time I couldn't stand to watch Spain lose. That game I missed at the World Cup, Spain lost to Switzerland, but apart from that, I have yet to watch Spain losing. I was holding on to that, and also the fact that Fernando Torres have never lost a final in his life. Phew.
SO. 2am my alarm rang. Yeah, I had to sleep, as I wake up at 7am every morning and hell no is my mom allowing me to sleep in. Euro finals or not Euro finals. I was fidgety, very. The closing ceremony in Kiev was incredible! I loved it. It was a very creative concept and a simple ceremony but a heart-warming one. And then.. KICK-OFF. When Jason Dasey was reading out the starting XI for Spain, I was crestfallen, admittedly. I honestly thought Spain was going to go with a striker this time, considering the last time we played 4-6-0 with the Italians, it ended with a draw. NO BUENO. But the moment the match started, I looked at it and wonder, what have I been worrying about all day? MY GOD. THE SPANISH TEAM WERE THAT AMAZING. They were far from the side which brought Portugal all the way to the penalties, far better! All disappointment about not starting with a classic striker drove out of my mind, because the Spanish, stepped it up BIG TIME. They looked like the same side who won the World Cup, possibly even better, because there's no striker. And yet, one, two goals into the net! David Silva's amazing header and Jordi Alba! MY GOD JORDI ALBA. The man is pure class. The movement was magic and Spain completely terrorised the Italians. Italians, who? Antonio Cassano was a shadow of the man whom struck fear the Italian's opponents on the road to the finale. But WHAT HAPPENED? Andrea Pirlo just couldn't match his brilliance against the likes of Xavi Hernandez and Andres Iniesta. THANK GOD XAVI CAME BACK TO FORM. Watching the match, I realise I could afford a smile. Why was I worrying again? Second half, when it was time for substitutions. I was all tied up. Praying Vicente Del Bosque might just hear my plea. You know I wanted to see on the field so bad. He deserves a chance. To just be a part of the team who's going to carry the Cup. Not just a benchwarmer. Off goes David Silva and in comes Pedro Rodriguez. I breathe, thank God it wasn't Cesc Fabregas off. There's only one man who should replace Fabregas... And Fabregas name was called. WHO, WHO? No amount of jubilation can describe what I feel when I saw who was coming on. The stadium rang with his name, "FERNANDO TORRES!". God, dramatic, no? Hahah. And that same moment, my mother, the Italian fan chose to wake up to see the score. I didn't want to look all smug or so happy or whatsoever, the games not over for another 15 minute! But I couldn't help smiling. Hello, Fernando Torres is out there! Mom saw the score, got a mini-heart attack, and says she's going back to sleep. Epic reaction is epic. HAHAH. The game proceeded and I realise I was just too desperate to see Fernando Torres scoring. Aaaah, the possiblities.
I got my wish. He scored. THE MAN SCORED. A crisp finish from a Xavi Hernandez pass and he has written his name alongside Cristiano Ronaldo, Mario Balotelli, Mario Gomez, Alan Dzagoev, and Mario Mandzukic.(What's with the name Mario?) I was victory-dancing, naturally. It's the icing to the cake! Fernando Torres scoring! But little did I know at that time that Fernando Torres would deliberately set up another goal for Spain as Juan Mata, who came a little over a minute to score, thus winning the Golden Boot. I repeat, Spain won the Euro 2012 Cup, AND FERNANDO TORRES WON THE GOLDEN BOOT. Who knew?
Spain rewrote history, by winning the Euro 2008, World Cup 2010, and Euro 2012 and I couldn't have been more proud. VIVA LA ESPANA! Only team in history to do so. The Spanish put on a show in the finals, a show which most of us enjoyed thoroughly. It was jubilation for us Spanish fans, entertainment for real football fans, but agony for Italian fans. Sorry. And who said the tiki taka was all boring and whatsoever?Words were shoved down throats that night, right from the first beauty of a goal from David Silva. That means, you too, Arsene Wenger. Such brilliance, such captivating brilliance. I don't think I've enjoyed a final as much as this! Andres Iniesta, Xavi, Jordi Alba, Gerard Pique, SERGIO RAMOS!, Alvaro Albeloa, Cesc Fabregas, Sergio Busquets, David Silva and this man who deserves everything; IKER CASILLAS. Wonderful goalkeeping, and the clean sheets! HE IS GODLIKE. And Fernando Torres is the only player to score in TWO Euro Cup finals. Well, now you know who Fernando Torres is. Grrrr.
His luck stood though. "Fernando Torres has not lost a final in his life."

I must have been the happiest person on Earth, or not. My emotions were shared across the globe with millions of other people, and that, was something special. Days like are always special. I had only wished upon the stars for a Spanish victory albeit however bad were the signs all the way to the final. I got it better. Fernando Torres, who I have always had faith in since the very first time, no matter how good or bad his form is, bagged the Golden Boot and.. I was all emotional, I'll admit. His days were a reflection of mine last 16 months, so that touched something deep. Not that I would expect you to understand. I'm just made of a substance of pure... madness. Like my love for Fernando Jose Torres Sanz.

Just those glorious moments. Some things in life, gets the over-the-top reaction of enthusiasm. But I'm not worried. Just the opposite. The world's full of these moments, I'm just I glad I get to see them. Special times. And I just wish so bad that maybe one day, my time would come. Don't we all? We all wait for that something big to come. With that small voice asking, "Would it?"

There's a missing piece inside of me, The rhythm of my heart hits unevenly.

They say life is too short. YES, LIFE IS TOO SHORT. But I can't tell that to my parents, can't I? Hahah. They would kill me. So anyway, I tell it to myself. And to the next person who says, "What? I thought you wanted to be a doctor? WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE A DOCTOR? God, these girls. So indecisive. What's so hard in being a doctor? Just study lah."
"Mate, life is too short to be a doctor."
 Why don't you be a billionaire, what's so hard to be a billionaire? Just work lah. HONESTLY.
Oh-kay, I don't even know if that's relevant.

So anyway, life is too short.
Life is too short to not learn more than four languages in your life, even if you sound like an idiot. Bueno, no?
Life is too short to not press the down button on the elevator when you were supposed to rush up because you are already running late for guitar class. I know, I'm that idiot.
Life is too short to not stay awake late into the night, crying over what happened to your favourite story book character. Her father died of terminal cancer. CRIES LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW. She found the real love of her mortal life after reincarnating from a past highest ranked Archangel life, and fall in love again "for the first-and last-time of Lucinda Price and Daniel Grigori's lives." TEARING UP BECAUSE I'M A ROMANTIC FOOL.
Life is too short to not wake up at 7am every morning. WHAT?
Life is too short to not watch the same episode of Hawaii 5-0 multiple times and swoon to death over the bromances of Steve Mcgarrett and Detective Danny Williams.
Life is too short to not watch The Dark Knight for the millionth times and have the lines from the movies completely memorised. "You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become a villain."
"Harvey Dent is a hero not Gotham deserves, but a hero Gotham needs.." "Batman is a hero Gotham deserves but not what it needs now. He's the silent guardian. The watchful protector. THE DARK KNIGHT."  Forgive me.
Life is too short to not dance to Domino playing over the stereo in Tesco supermarket or Jusco shopping mall, no matter if there's anyone around.
Life is too short to not watch each and every match of your favourite football team in the Euro 2012.
Life is too short to not sit through around 5 hours of French Open final to see Rafael Nadal triumph over Novak Djokovic.
Life is too short to not watch every single The Wanted's videos in existence in Youtube.
Life is too short to not read Harry Potter every year. It's been a decade. Sighs.
Life is too short to not dream about the impossible. To dream about things which you know won't happen. Possibly ever. But what the heck.
Life is too short to not seize it. Do silly things. To not laugh at yourself. To not call yourself that idiot. To not have slapped your brother twice in a week.HAHA. Sorry, kid.
Life is too short to keep everything to yourself and not give another a chance to laugh at you. Because, who really cares? Too short to appear stupid once in a while. Too short to hate something so much, you want to watch it burn. To short to make people hate you when you can avoid it.
Life is too short to follow the flow.

We all have the angel in us. We all have the demon in us. Our choices tips the scale. But a way out of this, is love. Every beautiful thing in existence is through love. Love life.
"Hey young homie, what you trippin' on? Living life like how did I get it wrong? Life's too short gotta live it long, to my brothers and sisters when will we get along?" -Young Homie.


P.S-After agonizing drag through four books, in which I fell in love with the books, and then fell out of love for a brief period, and back to love it, The Fallen series by Lauren Kate is done. Her writing execution may not be the best, but after reading the entire story, it was so worth it. One of the most beautiful stories I have on my book shelves. So beautiful, but what can I say? I'm probably a romantic fool. Thank GOD, it's not another Twilight series. TOTALLY WORTH IT.

The Indiscernible Seen During the Rapture

Seems like I've fall out of love with blogging. One does not simply make promises to blog more often. Promises, just doesn't happen. But here I am, with a sudden need to let the world, or more of myself, know what exactly I am doing, right now.
SIGHS.
Where to begin, where to begin. It's been a whirlwind of a month, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT'S THE END OF THE MONTH ALREADY?! June was like a ninja, moving silently pass, you blink and the next thing you know, it has reached the other side. I wonder if that's the correct metaphor, what what else would you describe time with? TIME, is just like the ninja. The silent killer. Dangerous. Quick.
Oh I tell you where exactly June went.
The Euro 2012. I tell you, I can't believe how incredibly blessed I am to be able to watch the Euros', which came at the best of times. I'm on break now, and I have not missed a single match of Spain's.
Okay, let's talk football.
You see, I'm one of those people who LIVE TO WATCH FOOTBALL, AND WATCH FOOTBALL TO LIVE. It has always been the case. I take my team VERY seriously. 2 seasons, Liverpool has not been the best of form, yet, it is my team and there is no way I'm giving up on them. I've been an avid football fan since 9, watching the 2002 World Cup in Korea, which I chose to side England, when everyone else at home supported Brazil. TYPICAL. It hasn't stop since then. England was my childhood team, but I grew up, falling in love with the way Spain play. I also happen to be a huge fan of Barcelona. Spain, is a huge part of my life. I'm devoted to the Spanish tennis players, Rafael Nadal, Fernando Verdasco, David Ferrer and Feliciano Lopez, ask anyone who knows me, they can tell you how I roll. And my favourite football player? Fernando Torres, ex-Liverpool striker. The man I've been hopelessly in love since.. ever. Okay, now you can tell, despite my obsession like the opposite sex, football, tennis, F1, something my mother has never failed to remind me, deep inside, I am a girl. But I don't fawn over Cristiano Ronaldo or those German hunks as much as my next girl friend, I believe I'm bonded to Fernando Torres. Not to mention me falling in love with Spanish songs. As much as I love Enrique Iglesias, his recent songs are just blahhh. Too bad, considering he used to make AMAZING songs. And his Spanish songs were just as brilliant. And then there's Pablo Alboran. This guy can make me fall in love with him over and over again. He is what to the Spanish the same way Ed Sheeran is to the English. Pure genius. So now that you've heard my colourful history with the Spaniards, and my love for football, let's talk Euro.
I've been waiting for this like EVER. I swore that I would never miss a single match of my favourite team, it was painful enough missing 3 out of 7 of Spain's matches last World Cup thanks to school. This time I watched, patiently. Studied every game. In fact also studying Spain's closest rivals matches. I've watched Germany, Portugal, Holland, Italy, France, and my childhood team of course, England. (I HAD SUPPORTED ENGLAND WHOLEHEARTEDLY TILL THEIR LAST MATCH. But of course, it was only a matter of time they went out, considering they have been riding with luck throughout the entire tournament.) Yet through it all, I can see why Spain alone impressed me. Spain are not in their peak form AT ALL. And we're missing some key players in David Villa and Carlos Puyol, both nursing injuries. But they held on. AND they attempted the 4-6-0 formation, where no strikers where used. They succeeded. With a striker in the form of Fernando Torres, they terrorised the Irish, whose supporters were left singing the Fields of Athenry in ashes. But then, of course there's the critics. Spanish tiki-taka were far too boring for the sport. AND THAT'S IS THE REASON, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, we have come this far, straight to the finals. Too bad. Our possession game may not appeal to many, but we are the only team to have conceded ONE goal all the way to the finals so far. Credits to incredible defenders. I must say Sergio Ramos has never impressed me this much.
The Team of the Tournament for Euro 2012 has been released, and surprise, surprise, ALL FOUR defenders are Spaniards, Alvaro Arbeloa, Jordi Alba, Sergio Ramos and Gerard Pique, and 2 midfielders, Xavi and Andres Iniesta. The rest, were left with one representatives from five countries, Joe Hart, the English goalkeeper, Mesut Ozil, the German midfielder, Cristiano Ronaldo, Mario Balotelli and Alan Dzagoev for the forwards. (We might have had Fernando Torres next to Cristiano Ronaldo if our classic number 9 was given the green light for regular striker position, but oh well.)
It's pretty incredible. Stats and all. But it all comes down to the finale. Spain AND Italy, both members of the Group C. Who knew.
Anyway, it pissed me off that some idiots who hardly ever watched football, watched for the first time, AND GOODNESS GRACIOUS. They talked as if they had been some professional pundit for years. It was on Facebook, of course. Naturally, they opinion clashed with mine, and it left me DUMBFOUNDED. Honestly? You want a match with goals, go ahead, go watch the Germans. But honey, it's not gonna get you the Cup. "Spain was just lucky!" BULL. Some left singing praises for Germany, because well... there are goals. But sadly, they were heavily disappointed. HA HA HA.
But lately, the trivia and history, playing into the statistics and prediction, shows that I might not have it my way, after all. Spain are against the odds to beat the Italian for their third consecutive cup. Good lord. That is a dagger to the heart. Sighs.
Here's the thing:
In 2006, the Italians beat the Germans on the way to their World Cup victory.
In 2008, the Spanish, beat the Germans with a sole goal from Fernando Torres, (who was the man of the match too) to win the Euro cup.
In 2010, the Spanish beat the Germans in the semis to win their first World Cup.
And naturally, the Italians has ALREADY beaten the Germans.
Apparently, the Germans are like some sort of taboo team to whoever who has the misfortune to meet the team who beat the Germans.

I don't want to believe this. Trust me, I don't. I could easily argue, the Spanish has never beaten the French in a big tournament, but now they have. BUT REALLY? Things never turn out the way they are supposed to. It's alright, my mourning partner shall then be Rafael Nadal.

I'm still holding on to one trivia though;
'FERNANDO TORRES HAS NEVER LOST A FINAL IN HIS LIFE.'

God bless that man.

Go on, spot that man, the most beautiful man in the world. It's not to hard, come on. :D 

My god, his smile. I can't resist, pardon me.

Whatever happens this Sunday, I just pray that my heroes fight for everything at stake. Like Rafael Nadal. Just like Rafael Nadal.

And Remind You Every Minute Of The Future Isn't Written, Not Yet.

It has been a hell of a weekend. And to wake up this morning and finally think, "Oh my god, it's Monday, and for once, I don't hate it. I can't go through this. It's going to be great." Feels great. Refreshing. Exciting.
So. It has been a wonderful ride last three days, continuous gathering, non-stop. Three different groups, can you imagine that? Pardon me for the enthusiasm, I just had so much fun. So real, after months.

On Friday. Was our little gathering at Christina's house. TO COOK! Just among us, the family. Me, Christina, Sze Yin, Kuan Jon, Bryan Ong, Brian Teoh, Eu Jian, Kern Yen, and Vincent. It was havoc, really. Kuan Jon was the chief chef, and BRILLIANT he was. Kinda embarassing for me, who can't really cook. I can cook, but just not enough confidence to do it big. I still need my mom, though. (But wait, I DID successfully cook fried rice the week before, and even though there's room for improvement, I should be proud. HAHA.) So Kuan Jon did this brilliant pasta with the name I can hardly pronounce, with the help of Sze Yin, and there was the potato salad with such lovely complexity, I LOVED IT, also his. And I got the garlic bread rolling. Bryan Ong worked on his mushroom soup, a proud achievement. So, the garlic bread, mushroom soup, pasta, potato salad, fried fish, and Kern Yen got his apple crumble done, which was really really good. Oh right, and before we started on the main dishes, Kuan Jon, Christina, Sze Yin and me made a batch of tiny chocolate cupcakes. Nice one! There, I've listed the entire menu (Oh right, sparkling water for drinks.) it felt like a wonderful achievement, something we are proud off. To actually gather cook together, so much joy in it. Sort of like we go for some outdoor camping. Thanks to Christina, we managed to pull it off. There were complications and arguments and confusions in the build up to this day, and at some point I wasn't even looking forward to it! But hey, we got it all together, hallelujah. :)

The setting. Thanks to a VERY paranoid Christina Gan. Hahah.

Apple crumble!

My friends right there, they are made of amazing souls. Part of the reason I actually pulled myself together to go to college every morning. And I can't imagine that it could possibly be the end of us. Sure, I might say that we can meet outside, go for gatherings, movies, but will it be the same? I doubt it. Sighs. There's a line in this song titled Gold Forever, "We can rule this world someday somehow, but we'll never be as bright as we are now." So much truth to it, just so much. It's what I had thought about when I was twelve and primary school came to an end and we were reluctant to leave our best friends behind. It's the same thought, in fact much much stronger and believable when we said, we are definitely going to keeping in touch after secondary school. In fact, ten years from now, we'll gather and celebrate. It's just below two years now, and everyone has moved on. The some of us, survived though. One had to just take the responsibility of hosting the gathering, and then everything will just fall into place. I got my secondary friends to gather at our neighbourhood shopping mall on Saturday. Weird enough seeing everyone doing different things, with different goals. What if we were to have the exact gathering again, ten years from now? Who will have gotten married and started a family? Or who would have hit their jackpot, gotten lucky ten times over when a four leaf clover fell upon their steps? Are we all still going to stay in this country? Frightening thought, the future is. EVERYONE'S GOING TO LEAVE! That's one scream that never goes wrong. Just wondering.
For now, we have Christina, Kuan Jon, Sze Yin, Bryan, Brian, Vincent, Kern Yen and Eu Jian. Oh, and me of course. Four aspiring doctors, a dentist, a nutritionist, a pharmacistorwhateversciencerelatedfieldshe'sstillnotsureof, a computer programmer and the good ol' godknowsifthatwilleverhappen lawyer. I wonder if we'll still be the same crazy group we are now. A group of perverted ever-disgusting idiots, strong-bonded bromances, swooning fangirls, Spongebob-idolising kids stuck in grown-ups' figures, yeah, THAT group. Spend just a couple of hours together, I assure you that you'll be completely mind-blown thinking how the hell are these idiots gonna become doctors or dentists. But mark my word, they are going become great people. You don't often meet people you KNOW how to have fun in unique ways. We are practically a huge group of misfits, and that is probably something to be proud of. And I guess I'm just lucky enough to have found a family of friends who don't drink, club and do every typical teenager stuff society thinks that all of us do today. Instead we remain the very few to parade the child on our heart on our proud sleeves. Problem?
15th of June sounds so final. Like the end of us. Hoping that prom will be a night to remember. What with our table consisting of quite the number of prom king nominees. IDIOTS.

We also got to celebrate the chef-of-the-day's belated birthday. 

I'm definitely gonna miss them.

"Promise me, you stay the way, you are. Keep the fire alive, and stay young at heart."


Life, is made of moments like these. People like these. We laugh, sing, dance, breathe, experience, cry, remember. Only then, I remember who I am, who I was. And possibly who I will be. Experiences AND people.

I Want The Ride Of My Life, Want To Reach The Speed Of Light

Where to start, where to start.
I embarked on a journey, and no, I can't say it has been a very exciting experience for me. Because.. it hasn't. Not really. I remain adamant, that this has to be the biggest mistake I have done in my life throughout the entire 18 years of my life. Probably will live as the biggest mistake for all those coming decades. So now it has ended,  there's supposed to be relief, shouldn't there? I only feel numb. Like it's nothing. These one and a half years, apparently my body and mind just froze up and refused to response. So much, I regret. Just so much.
And naturally, I'd rather not talk about it.
Yeah, I'm just being a tad dramatic. LOL. I'm done with college. Done with A-levels. Although I don't think that is for sure. Finals. WERE JUST THAT HORRIBLE. It's so bad, it's seems ridiculous! Yeah well.
Still feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. But, oh well.
Nevertheless, despite the feeling of nothingness when I left college, (probably not for good, but I AM leaving some amazing people behind) the break feels wonderful.
No more waking up early in the morning and cursing at the time for passing so fast.
No more worrying about not having done my homework and what would the lecturers do to me.
No more feeling hopeless, worthless, no more hateful emotions.
No more, no more for now.
Feels great. And I've swore that everyday, is going to be an achievement. Like doing something new. Doing something productive. In creative terms. Doing something exciting.
So much I could do at home.
The coming Friday, there's this cooking together plan going on with my college mates. How cool is it, that we gather at a friend's house, and we cook together, and then enjoy them immediately afterwards. From mushroom soup to gruelling pastas. Sounds winning. :)
Plus Saturday's gathering. THAT WILL BE A VERY EXCITING ONE! Those old buddies. Those who came from the period I missed my life the most. Aaah well.
And Sunday, family gathering. My young cousins will be coming over. That'll be fun.
So much to do, so much. And I want to take all of it in. Hold on to it.

LIFE.
Because you see, life never stops. It goes on and on and on. Everything might be falling out of sorts in YOUR life, but have you thought about how pretty insignificant you really are in reality? If you don't, do yourself a favour and go look up at the skies outside your house now. It could be more profound if it's at night, the stars even with their twinkling little form, are enough to make you feel inferior. Theory of relativity. That's how Einstein got his idea, I suppose.
So often, I feel that life is being very very unfair to me. But then I read of all those success stories. And I learn that the stories, are not complete without pain and hard times. Either they were not born in bed of roses, or there's the ultimate fall from grace. Either way, it requires a timely climb. It requires being made fun of. It requires suffering. It got me thinking maybe, just maybe, I'm on the right path. Until people come and tell me, " You know that girl? Well she's had a perfect record of all As' in all her major exams in her life. Her parents must be so proud of her." That girl just finished her local Matriculation and got 4 flats. LOCAL MATRICULATION. Then they go, "Wow look at all of them, going to do medicine. They must be so smart." "All of them are going to be doctors." GOOD GOING, THERE. It has come to the point where it irritates me so much, I could possibly release the Hulk within me, but I decided I should be level-headed. Like Captain America. Screw what you think, your name isn't Deena, is it? And then I breathe. And smile. And pray. Hoping so much that what I've chosen, is the right one. You see, I don't intend to live through society's idea of success, study, work, get married, buy a house, have children, die. I want to see the world. Like, really see it. Praying everyday I'll get the chance. Hoping God would be patient with me. I want to make a difference in ANOTHER'S life, not just mine.
Most importantly, I want to love doing what I do, have fun with it. Trust me, if I'm going to be a doctor, I'll only be on the highway to a mental asylum. If that ever happens, I'm going to become Joker.
Because no way am I getting tied down.

"I'll do something epic, and they won't forget it, good enough's not good enough for me." -Rocket

"Big Man In A Suit Of Armour, Take That Off, What Are You?" "A Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist." "I KNOW MEN WITH NONE OF THAT WORTH TEN OF YOU."

Now how long has it been since I've last posted something... that is worth reading? It all has been loads of whining, and The Wanted and Fernando Torres. Please forgive me. A-Levels is making me feel more dumb as it goes. Like I've lost all my intellectual abilities these past one and a half years. Not that there's anything dumb with Fernando Torres and The Wanted. THEY ARE INCREDIBLE. Oh goodness. Anyway this post, is not any intellectual than my past recent posts. Just wanting to say hi, I'm still alive, Fernando Torres seems to be getting better and that, I can't help feeling very proud of, I've got just 24 days to the end of this ridiculous course I've befallen with, (yeah, nothing's EVER my fault.), and possibly my life will be alot better after that. I hope. Seriously, right now, I can't think freely like I used to. Freedom goes as far as to speak about sports, my favourite athletes and teams, and music, artists I love and dislike, and that's it. Perhaps after this I shall make a comeback and together we shall unlock the mysteries of life. And make plans for world domination. And probably another facelift for this blog, it's just so damn depressing. WHAT WAS I THINKING?! Right now though, I've got to get on studying. A task I deem extremely difficult.

Loki's probably the most hilarious villain I've come across. Once the younger brother, always the younger brother. Bahahah. I'll leave my swooning over Chris Evans and Hemsworth till after the finals. Hell, I wasn't even supposed to watch The Avengers. But headstrong people get their way around. :) And also dissecting it. Did I mention how bloody awesome the new trailer for The Dark Knight Rises is? 10 million views is just 3 days. MOTHER OF GOD. Blockbuster of the decade, definitely. Chris Nolan, is a genius. Leonardo Da Vinci of movies. We could do with more of his movies. For now, peace out. :)